So, I'm Lauren, and I like to fuck with your head. In an alien invasion, I'm your babe. I'll kick ass and save you.
This morning was cold. I woke up with a start and could see the condensation on the windows. I wasn’t at home, the room was strange to me, but I was people I knew. I knew where I was, it was just the first time I’d been there. I got ready and while I got ready I was thinking about everything I had to do today and what the best order to do them in. I didn’t really want to think to much though. If you think to much, you over think and then everything goes bad. It gets worse if you think to much. I found I’d left my MP4 at home. That meant I had to think again while I walked. Stupid right? I don’t want to think on a day like today. It was cold outside, so cold my nose hurt when I breathed. I walked down the familiar road so I could get home, without saying goodbye to my friends. I’m good like that. I never really like saying goodbye. No one likes saying goodbye. But today? A year ago, my friend had already said goodbye to her love. I didn’t want to say anything. I know she wont have forgotten, but what can I say? As I’m walking, splashing in puddles and listening to the cars, I can’t help but feel like I should do something or say something. What do you say? What do you do? Do I come see you and hope you’re smiling? I finally get home and go through the routine. I clean down stairs and go upstairs to start doing my bedroom. I’m still thinking. Not so much about my friend, but about anything and everything. The things that annoy me, the things that make me happy. What makes you happy? Then I come online. I can tell your sad, I know why. I know your sad because of the way you type and the lack of status’ and pictures. You’re not you when you’re sad. I don’t like it, but what do I say? Then I get someone else telling me I’ve annoyed them for not knowing! I knew! I knew all day! I just don’t know what to say. Then we talk again and I’m crying because I’ve let you down. But you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve lost so much and you still stand there with a smile on your face. I don’t know how you do it half the time. I don’t know… I just don’t know. I can’t put how I feel, or what I want to say to you into writing. I want you to know I’m here, but how do I tell you, without /telling/ you. I think you deserve someone better. Someone that can make you smile and that has the nerve to talk to you on days like this. I’m a coward you see? I’m scared of hurting you. I’m scared of reminding you of the past. I’m a link to him. I remember how you felt about him. I’m a link because our thing was how you met him. It made our friendship stronger, our thing. I’m a coward because I can’t make you smile and I just hurt you instead. You deserve more. How can I help? I don’t just mean today. I mean forever. Because I’ll forever be you’re second in command, you will forever be my leader. You’ll forever be Jinx, to me. I’ll forever be Ella.
Now, I’m sat here, staring at a screen and thinking ‘If I died, would you want someone there? Who would it be?’ I never plan on dying, because you’ve lost to much and you’ll never loose me. You’ve come so far and I’ve watched you mature. I love you, Shelby Moxon. Every flaw, Every perfection. Don’t let today get you down.